Ravenclaw Is His House
by Shaggy Donahugh
Summary: An alternate universe fic. Our protagonist has a bet with Lily Potter, but will he lose his chance while trying to win?
1. Chapter 1: An Odd Morning

Morning light peeked into the window of the dormitory. One boy, the only one with his blue curtains not drawn shut on his four-poster bed, squinted his eyes against the rising sun. He rolled over and sat up, rubbing the crust from the corners of his onyx eyes. While blinking away what was left of his tiredness, he stretched his thin limbs, letting out a groan that would wake a hibernating bear. After sitting a moment, he dressed himself in the usual faded slacks and ratty dress shirt, only throwing on his even rattier robe when he noticed its absence while passing by a mirror. As he made his way through the common room he nodded to the muttered hellos and good mornings sent his way, taking a mental note to continue doing his homework on time so that he wouldn't end up like those poor sods. Shuffling steps sidled up next to his as he stepped out of the common room, and he raised a tired grin to his blonde-headed mate, "Morning Xeno, fancy seeing you up so early."

Xeno yawned and scratched his bum, "I've been up, going on approximately twenty-four hours now."

"Don't tell me you've been up all night hunting some ridiculous creature again."

Xeno glared at his greasy-haired friend, "They may be ridiculous, but they're real. I'll have you know I've actually found a wrackspurt before. They weren't the reason I was up tonight though, I do have a life outside of my hobby Sev."

As Severus rolled his eyes Xeno tapped his own nose, "At least I'm not spending my nights pining after some girl."

"She's not just some girl you git! Not only that, but you've got it all wrong, I don't like her like that."

"Oh yea?" Xeno quipped, "Why do I keep hearing you say her name when you sleep?"

"I do not!"

They bickered between themselves on their way to the great hall, not even bothering to stop as they sat on either side of their friend Sybll Trewalney, who appeared to be absorbed by the bottom of a teacup.

"You never wash your hair."

"Yea well you collect doxie wings and believe in fairy tales!"

"You smell like musty potions!"

"Better than the hindquarters of a double-toned corn-stack!"

"IT'S CALLED A CRUMPLE-HORNED SNORKACK!"

Tinkling china could be heard as the cup slipped from Sybll's hands, "Would you both SHUT UP! I'm TRYING to study!"

Xeno and Severus looked away and crossed their arms.

"Sorry Syb, we didn't realize-"

"You should have told us you were-"

The glare she threw the both of them was magnified by the thick lenses of her glasses, amplifying its power to the point that the boys sat petrified, afraid to say another word. She reached out and picked up the teacup, sighing at the crack that was now running down the middle of the delicate blue china.

"This was my great grans", she said, "and you both know that none of us can do a proper repairing spell to save our lives."

Severus rolled his eyes, "It already had a chip in it Sybll, the thing was bound to crack eventually."

"That's not the point! It's been in my family for generations, not to mention my great gran read from this very cup. She was a very talented-"

Xeno interrupted, "Seer. We've heard it at least a hundred times Sybll."

She stood up with a huff, "Fine, be that way! I'll be in the Astronomy tower if you need me."

As the boys watched her walk off Xeno asked, "What's gotten into her?"

"Who cares." Severus replied through a mouthful of fried eggs.

Breakfast was had in silence, but every once in a while Severus would catch Xeno glancing off in the direction that Sybll had stomped off.

"I'm going to go see if she's okay."

Before Severus could swallow his food to reply, Xeno had already made it halfway across the Great Hall. Severus shook his head, wondering about how queer Xeno had been acting lately. Almost as fast as he'd fallen into his brooding, the thud of someone sitting next to him and a light voice pulled him out of it.

"Hey Sev, ready for potions?"

He nodded, his face turning a bit pink as the pretty red-head leaned across him to grab a cinnamon roll. He cleared his throat as he tried to not think about how her hair smelled as she sat back up, accidently whiffing him in the face with her hair. The noise caused her to look at him, "You alright?"

He nodded his head and managed to keep the tremor out of his voice, "I'm fine, just something went down the wrong pipe is all."

She giggled, "You're supposed to swallow, not inhale."

He stood, slinging his bag over his shoulder, "Yea yea, laugh it up all you can right now Lily, because after how badly I'm going to whip you in potions today, you won't want to laugh ever again."

Her emerald eyes flashed at the challenge, "We'll see about that."

Severus just smiled.


	2. Chapter 2: The Hatching of a Plan

"Who's the best potion maker in the school?"

Severus rolled his eyes as he skipped the vanishing step, "Lily, he only gave you more praise because you're in the Slug Club.

"You're just jealous because I brew better potions than you."

Swirling the small vial of pink potion in his hands, Severus smiled a crooked smile, one that caused Lily to raise her eyebrows with concern, "I know that look Sev, what are you scheming?"

Severus found an empty seat near the door of the nearly empty library, "Don't be ridiculous, I leave the scheming to the Slytherins. I was just thinking about making a little wager."

A corner of Lily's mouth rose with her eyebrows, "What kind of wager?"

"Well you keep going on about how amazing your potion is, but I'm convinced that Professor Slughorn was doing no more than showing favor to a pretty face."

Lilly leaned down and began to pull her books from her bag, and as she motioned for him to go on he could swear that he saw a hint of a blush on her face.

"I suggest that we test our potions and see which one is most effective."

Lily replied with a raised voice, "Sev, you know that I'm a prefect, and we can't go around slipping potions into people's drinks. We could get into a lot of trouble for that." She then leaned in close, a mischievous look in her eyes, "Of course, unofficially I don't really care about all of that. However; if we get busted, I'm not going to be talking to you for a while. So do we pick two random people?"

Severus leaned in closer as he spotted the librarian Madame Pince moving amongst the nearby bookshelves, "No, we'll pick two people that can't stand each other. I'll give one of them my potion, and give yours to the other. We give them the potions at the same time, and make sure that they fall for each other and not someone else. After all of that we watch and see which one falls out of love first. The most potent potion will be the best potion."

"What's in it for me if I win?"

Severus thought for a second, "Bragging rights of course, and I'll owe you one favor, whatever you want me to do."

"And what about you?"

Severus tapped his chin, then spoke, "We go to dinner, and you have to pay?"

"Really? Dinner?"

"What?! As much as I love the castle's food, it's still nice to eat somewhere else, even if it's just for a change of scenery!"

"Fine, it's settled then. So who are we going to make fall in love?"

They sat in silence, and as it dawned on the both of them their eyes met and identical grins broke out on their faces, "Sirius and Lucius." They said together before bursting into suppressed mirth. They shook on it, and as Lily began to start on her homework a chair materialized next to her.

"Evans! Fancy meeting you here."

Severus winced and grumbled under his breath as he lowered his face farther into his books, doing his best to ignore the spectacled boy before him.

Lily glared at the newcomer, "I could be saying the same to you Potter, only it would make sense for it to be said to you. Aren't you only passing by the skin of your teeth?

Severus chortled, and James Potter looked down at him, "Evans, I'm not sure if you know it but there seems to be some weird greasy git following you."

Severus met James's heated stare with his own cold one, "Better a greasy git than some stuck up prat."

"Watch your tone Snivellus, or you're going to find yourself on the business end of my wand."

Severus stood and began reaching for his own wand, but Lily stayed him by putting a hand on his chest. He sat back down, and Lily planted herself in front of James, "And after Severus gets through handing yourself your own ass, you're going to find yourself on the business end of a lot of detentions from yours truly.

James stood, processing the situation as he backed away from Lily. After throwing Severus a quick glare and Lily a quick wink, he turned around and began to walk out of the library. As he walked he called over his shoulder, "One of these days Evans you're going to stop seeing whatever it is you see in Snivelly, and you're going to finally realize how much better I am.

Severus sent a charm at James's back, and snorted when a 'Please Kick Me' sign appeared on his shirt. Lily rolled her eyes, and then jumped back as a large snowy owl landed on the table in a flurry of papers and feathers. Lily set a knut in the small leather pouch tied to the birds leg, then took the rolled up newspaper from between its beak. She scanned the front page, "They finally caught him Severus, it looks like everything's going to be alright."

He moved around the table so that he could see what she was looking at. He already knew what she was talking about, but he had to see it for himself. On the front page a man with dark hair and what once would have been a handsome face was now laughing maniacally. Below it half the page was taken up by newsprint about his capture, and his coming trial.

"Tom Riddle has finally been caught. With his capture several other criminals acting under his name, collectively known as Death Eaters, came forward in surrender. The auror's killed two birds with one stone."

As Lily continued to read the story, the wheels began to turn in Severus's head. He waited for her to finish, and as she sat the paper down he voiced his idea, "Lily, what if we got Potter instead of Black."

She stiffened up a bit, "Why?"

"Well, he does have a thing for you. I'm sure it would be easier to get him to drink a spiked drink than it would Black."

She shook her head, "No way, this is just you trying to get payback."  
"No, I'm just trying to make your job easier."

"I'm not stupid Sev, it isn't going to happen."

He raised his hands, "Alright, fine."

As he stowed his books back into his bag Lily looked at him, "Where are you off to?"

"Just going to do some scheming. Of course to do that I'm going to need some assistance from a few friends."

"Ah. Tell Xeno I said hello."

Severus waved his farewell as he exited the library.


	3. Chapter 3: Inconsolable

"Merlin Xeno, what happened to you?"

Xeno looked up from the space where Severus had found him. His eyes were red, and they kept flicking from Severus's face to the floor and back again. The sleeves of his robe were shredded, barely covering the bite-marks and scratches that spanned his forearm. Severus pulled a vial of dittany from his robe pocket and began to apply it to the wounds.

"Sybll attacked me with squirrels." Severus snorted, but kept on with the application of the green paste, "No really! I went up to see if she was alright, and out of nowhere she sics a legion of squirrels on me! What's gotten into her Sev?"

"Could it be her time of the month?"

"That's what I said! Then she blew up on me!"

Severus was shaking from laughter, "No wonder then! You don't say things like that to women Xeno, it's a good way to end up on the wrong end of a wand. Or as is your case, a bunch of squirrels."

"That doesn't make any bleeding sense."

Severus shrugged, "Doesn't have to. It's just something you don't do."

Xeno sighed, then hissed as Severus began wrapping cloth over the dittany. Severus then helped him up, and threw an arm over his shoulder. As he began to guide his friend to the infirmary, he explained his plan to trick Malfoy and Sirius Black into falling in love. Xeno laughed at the end of it, and his face had transformed from one that was lost and hurt to that of a Cornish pixie planning on making some mischief.

Xeno waggled his eyebrows, "So what did you tell Lily you wanted for winning the bet? A date? A smooch?"

"Shove off.", Severus said, "That's my business, not yours. Besides, I don't know if I'm going to win this bet or not."

"Whatever, just know that I've got your back on this. After I get patched up I'll go and talk to the house-elves in the kitchens. I'm sure they'll help me get something in Malfoy's drink, especially with the way he treats them."

Severus grinned at his friend, and then handed him off to Madame Promfrey. Leaving his friend to fend for himself, he began the long journey to the astronomy tower. Flights of stairs vanished beneath his feet, and after taking a shortcut to avoid the shuffling footsteps of Filch, he knocked on the door that he knew Sybll to be behind. After receiving no answer he rapped his knuckles harder on the polished wood. After a few moments of silence he pressed his ear against the door. After hearing muffled sniffles and hitched breaths he twisted the knob to let himself in. The door opened an inch, then slammed shut against his nose. He took a step back, cursing as he tried to tamp the bleeding, and addressed the door.

"Sybll, it's Sev."

"Go away!"

"C'mon Syb, don't be like this. Just let me in."

Feet pattered to the door, and it was thrown open to reveal wild brown hair and even wilder blue eyes, "What do you want!?"

Severus crossed his arms and leaned against the wall, "I'm trying to check up on you, to see if you're alright. By the looks of things you're not doing too well."

She glared at him, "No, really? Tell me, how would you feel if I were to interrupt your alone time and tell you why you felt crummy? You wouldn't like it, would you?"

"I'm not going to tell you what you think, I want to know why."

"What do you care?"

Severus sighed, "C'mon Syb, we've been friends for years. I care for precisely that reason."

"You didn't this morning."

"Are you talking about that teacup? It's a cup Sybll, it can be fixed."

"That's not the point! That cup meant a lot to me!"

He huffed, "Get a professor to fix it then!"

"See! You don't c-care!"

She had begun to cry again, and she stomped back into the room and slammed the door in his face. He banged on the door again, "Sybll!"

"Go AWAY!"

Severus stuck his tongue out at the door, "Whatever, when you're done throwing a hissy fit come find me." With that he walked away, he'd just have to find someone else to help him.


	4. Chapter 4: Oh No

"Crazy bleeding women." Severus muttered, "I didn't even do anything wrong, she's just UMPH!"

The sudden introduction of an object at Severus's feet sent the skinny boy tumbling. Hard stone rose up to meet his chest, knocking the breath from his body. As he fought to shoo away the stars dancing in front of his eyes, a familiar voice grated against his ears.

"I suppose Wormtail was right, that tripping jinx is great for catching greasy slime-balls. How are ya going Snivelly?"

Severus groaned, "Oh you know, just checking the temperature of the floor. Send my regards to rat-boy would you?"

James's laughter didn't do anything for Severus's sense of well-being, "Oh Snivelly, I won't be leaving for a bit. I actually wanted to talk to you, have a friendly chat, and see if you could help me practice a few new spells."

Severus was sure James could hear the click in his throat as he swallowed, "Potter, as much as I would like to help you, wouldn't your bed-buddy Black be jealous if he wasn't here to help you out with your wand issues?"

Fury was just the look Severus was looking for. He rolled, pulling his wand as he found his feet. A quick spell was cast, and he began to laugh as spines began to burst from his snarling enemy's robes. James looked down, then let out a battle cry and let loose a rainbow cascade of spells at Severus. Each successive spell grew brighter, as though fueled by loathing in his brown eyes. Severus blocked and dodged as he backed away from the barrage of spells; however, it couldn't last forever. As practiced as he was at the art of dueling (as was expected when your worst enemies consisted of three of the best duelists in the school and one tricky bastard), Severus began to tire. Spells burnt holes in his robe and whiffed through his hair, and before long a red spell smashed into his chest. As he picked himself off the floor, Severus kept from going to a full stand, and instead waited on one knee as James's footsteps approached closer. Time seemed to slow as he waited for the right moment. His heart stopped as James finally stopped a pace away. As James raised his wand arm the fabric of his shirt whispered as it rubbed against itself, and Severus took his cue. Springing forward, he jammed the end of his wand underneath James's chin.

"Don't you move." Severus hissed. James froze, then tried to whip his arm around to catch Severus in a headlock. Severus was waiting for just that, "Petrificus Totalus!"

James's arms and legs snapped to his sides. He fell forward, stiff as a rod, and slammed face first into the castle floor. Severus heard the crunching of James's nose, and he smiled a bit at the resulting scream that tore itself from between clenched teeth.

He bent down and rolled James onto his back, "Those new spells did you a lot of good Potter. Take this as a lesson from yours truly. Don't." Severus kicked him in the ribs, "Fuck."; he kicked him in the gut, "With. Me.", both words accompanied by two kicks to the face. Tears ran down James's face, his eyes had moved past loathing and now burned with the ice of hatred. Severus turned away from his fallen foe, and bumped into the end of a wand. The handsome boy at the other end stuffed a piece of parchment into his robe pocket, then addressed Severus.

"Oh Snivelly, you've really screwed up this time. Expelliarmus."

Severus's wand went flying, and he turned to his assailant, "How did you find us, dog?"

Sirius smiled and dropped a wink at James, "I have my ways. You really should know by now that it's better to take what's coming to you than fight back."

Severus had been backing up with Sirius's advance, then stopped as he hit cold stone. He snarled at his captor, "Worried I'll hurt your lover Black?"

He hadn't seen James recover from the body-bind jinx. Nor did he see the callused fist that slammed into the side of his head. As he once again welcomed the stars in his sight he heard James thank Sirius, then bend down to speak to him, "I've got something special in mind for you Snivellus."

A boot impacted with the side of his head, and he knew no more.


	5. Chapter 5: Into the Forest

The first thing that came to Severus was that his ankle was throbbing. The second was that he was upside down. Cracking his eyes open, he saw two sets of feet shifting in front of him. Coarse grass slicked his limp fingers with dew. He began to put the pieces of the puzzle that was his predicament together as he heard the voices of his two favorite people muttering in what seemed to be an argument.

He groaned internally, the realization that James was going to make good on having something in store for him. Flashing back to the fight, he realized that Sirius had kicked his wand away, and in all likelihood, hadn't returned it to him. There was no way to fight his way out, and unless the situation changed soon, he wasn't going to be running from two capable and armed wizards.

"Check to see if he's awake." James said. One set of footsteps slowed down, and Severus shut his eyes, careful to remain limp.

"How am I supposed to tell?" Sirius asked.

"I don't know, poke him or something."

Heat blossomed across Severus's face as Sirius smacked him. Fighting the urge to headbutt the git in front of him, he kept still.

"He's still out mate. So what's your plan again?"

Sirius picked up the pace of his footsteps to walk next to his friend, and Severus strained in vain to hear what was in store for him. After a moment he gave up, and began to think about how to escape. It didn't help that the occasional upraised root smacked him in the back of the skull, and they seemed to be growing in frequency. As he pondered, part of him realized that the grass was disappearing, only to be replaced by dead leaves and sticks. Anxiety began to well up in his chest as he realized that they were heading deeper into the Forbidden Forest than he was comfortable with. He weighed his options. On the one hand, he didn't really want James and Sirius to realize he was awake. On the other, he really really didn't want to be eaten.

"Oi, tweedle-dumb and tweedle-idiot!"

He ceased his forward float as the footsteps ahead stopped.

"I thought you said he was out!"

"He was!"

"So what, in the past ten minutes he woke up and regained enough consciousness to insult us?"

Severus could hear Sirius huff, "Well he's awake now!"

James's heavier footfalls walked up behind Severus, who found himself turning mid-air to face his abducter, "Hello Potter."

"Shut up and hold still."

As James cocked his arm back Severus threw up his hands, "Wait! Hold on a second!"

James hesitated, "What?"

"Look, I get it. I fucked with you and now you've got to get me back, same old dance and song; however, leaving me in the Forbidden Forest is a tad much don't you think?"

James laughed, "For you? Nah."

He cocked his arm back again, and Severus yelled out, "Wait! Let me make my point, please! There are things in this forest that will kill me. That's a hell of a risk to take on your end, don't you think?"

As if said beasties had been listening, a snarl rattled through the air, sending a spike of fear running through Severus's spine. Even James looked a bit spooked.

"What the-"

A nearby bush rattled, and the snarling grew in volume. Whatever it was, it was getting closer, and it was not small."

Sirius grabbed James's arm, "Oh shit James, let's get out of here!"

For the third time that night Severus was seeing stars. He sat up and rubbed his head, listening as James and Sirius fled through the underbrush, away from the growls that were advancing on Severus. He scooted away from the rustling bushes as something stepped through them. Dizziness washed over him, either caused by the repeated blows to his head, or the terror coursing through his veins. He closed his eyes, hoping that it was a quick and painless death that was coming for him.


	6. Chapter 6: Left a Forest, Not the Woods

The footsteps crunched closer to Severus's prone form. He could hear it's breathing, and the smell of rotting meat assaulted his nose as the beast's face came within licking distance of his own. He wondered if it would hurt, if anyone would think to look for him. Eyes stamped shut against what he feared; he could feel something drop into his lap. A sob escaped his mouth, the thing was drooling on him, it was probably poisonous.

"Severus."

And now it was talking to him, no less using Sybill's voice, "Oh for god's sake just eat me already. I can't stand this!"

A sigh came from somewhere above him, and he opened his eyes. Sybill was sitting astride a skeletal winged beast, and she was clucking her tongue at him, "You're such a puss Severus."

Thestrals. That's what they were called, "Merlin, you scared the hell out of me."

She laughed, "More importantly, I scared Potter and Black off too. Now get your wand so we can get back up to the castle in time for dinner."

Severus looked down at his lap, smiling as he spotted his wand, the white birch wood nearly glowing against his black cloak. As his fingers met it, he felt a certain amount of strength return to him, and he stowed it away into his pocket while she climbed down from her perch. After tossing her ride a bit of meat and watching it saunter away, she took his arm and began to walk back towards the castle, "So what happened?"

"The usual, except this time I managed to put Potter in a compromising position. Black didn't like that too much when he showed up, so he saved his lover and stunned me. I'm guessing they were planning on leaving me out here tied up or some nonsense. Then you came around and saved my sorry ass. How'd you know where I was?"

Sybll shrugged, "I followed after you a few minutes after you left. Heard you and James dueling so I stayed out of sight, then followed all three of you to the forest. Luckily I ran into one of the school's thestrals, and from there I scared off those gits and here we are."

He nodded, "Why didn't you step in when you heard Black?"

She gave him a level look, "I can't duel Severus, I'm no good with jinxes."

He snorted, "I think Xeno would disagree."

"Xeno's only skill with a wand is to blow himself up. He may be clever enough to be in Ravenclaw, but he can't handle even basic spells."

Her mood had fouled faster than a good potion brewed with a bad ingredient. Severus hesitated, "I'm sorry about what happened Sybill. You know both of us do care about you."

She didn't smile, but the hawkish look on her face eased up into a slight frown, "It's bad enough that everyone in the castle thinks I'm some kind of crackpot, but the thought that you two consider me insignificant hurts more than you can imagine. You two are all I've got.

Severus put an arm around her shoulder, "We don't think you're unimportant Sybill, it's just that you go on and on that your great-great-gran was a seer, and that you must be as well. Sometimes it's hard to take you seriously, especially when you sound like you're trying to convince yourself."

She sniffed, "I sometimes don't think I am, but I don't see how I couldn't be."

Silence suffused the grounds, and then Severus had a thought, "Would you like to do a reading for me?"

"The inner eye does not-"

"Open on command, yea yea. I'm not asking for an earth shaking premonition, just some tea leaves or a crystal ball. Something small."

She stayed quiet for a moment, "Alright. Head up to the library tomorrow just as the sun begins to set; I'll have everything ready there."

Pleased with the fact that he would be killing two birds with a single stone, Severus gave her a hug as they entered the great hall. She went left, and he turned right, coming face to face with Lily. Orange sunlight glinted off the dark stones, giving her red hair and pale skin an unearthly glow. Awe seized his tongue, and he gaped like a drowning fish. She tilted her head, "You okay Sev?"

He swallowed his awkwardness, barely managing a croak, "Yea, I'm fine. What are you doing down here Lily?"

She laughed, "My rounds of course. What were you doing out this late on the grounds?" She glanced after Sybill and threw him an accusing wink, "Especially with Sybill Trelawney?"

Severus arched one thin brow, "With Syb? What, you don't, ah no Lily it's not like that!"

Lily laughed, "Uh-huh. You don't have to lie to me."

He could feel the hair on the back of his neck bristling, "No, it really isn't. Your fan-boy Potter and his boyfriend jumped me and were about to leave me out for the Acromantulas to munch on."

She blinked, "C'mon Sev, Potter can be a dog sometimes, but he's not that-"

He glared at her before opening up his robe to show all the burn holes, "These weren't here yesterday. Check my hair, I'm sure you'll find plenty of debris."

She shook her head, "That robe's been in tatters for years."

"Are you kidding me? He's no good Lily. Have you forgotten the whole Shrieking Shack fiasco?"

She glared back at him, "He saved you."

"He almost bloody killed me! Do you think I would have gone poking around there if he hadn't told me where that stupid knot on the whomping willow was? He knew I'd check it out, and he KNEW what was in the Shack. He only saved me to save his own neck."

Doubt flickered in her eyes, then they grew hard, "You shouldn't have gone around there in the first place."

Severus threw up his hands, "Fine, stick up for him. I've got things to do. Shoot me an owl when you finally pull your head out of his ass."

"My head isn't up his-"

Her words faded away as Severus ran up the stairs. He just couldn't catch a single fucking break. He hoped that a trip to the infirmary would cheer him up.

* * *

_I don't know why, but Lily's being chewed up in the reviews for this chapter lol. Even with Severus not hanging with the wrong crowd, I still see her as having some kind of attraction for Potter (not only that, but they're in the same house). It's not a matter of Lily being a hypocrite, just that she sees the best in people. _

_Anywho, enough with playing Devil's advocate, I'll have the next piece up either tonight or tomorrow morning. Have a nice night folks!_

_P.S. I will be starting another piece soon, I'm thinking a Scooby-Doo three-or-four parter. In the meantime, have a pleasant day!_

_-Shaggy Donahugh_


	7. Chapter 7: An Elf's Delight

Fuming and cursing, Severus climbed the rest of the way to the infirmary. Why was she standing up for Potter? He was a git! All he ever did was talk to her like she was a piece of meat, and here she was defending him like he was just some mis-understood boy.

Severus snorted; the only thing Lily didn't understand about Potter was just how big his over-inflated head was. Outside the double doors to Madame Promfrey's stood Xeno, looking none the worse for wear. Even his robes had been repaired, no doubt by the good healer herself.

"Severus!" Xeno said, a hand raised in greeting, "Looks like you showed up right on time!"

Severus began walking with Xeno, "That was quick. I'm guessing those squirrels weren't poisonous?"

Xeno laughed, "No, no. Don't be ridiculous Severus, there's no such thing as poisonous squirrels."

"Uh-huh. Have you spoken to any of the house-elves yet?"

Xeno shook his head, but he kept his smile, "No, but I was planning on taking care of that just as you showed up. I suppose you'll be joining me, if that's alright with you."

Severus shrugged. He didn't mind the little creatures, he just found it a bit disconcerting how enjoyable they found being subservient to be. It was unlike creatures of intelligence to be tied down to what he considered a lower role.

Before long the two boys found themselves standing before a rather large portrait of a fruit bowl. Severus, not one for exploring the castle, gave Xeno a funny look as he began to tickle the middle of a pear as big as his head. Light and the sounds of merriment could be seen and heard from the outline of a door that had suddenly appeared in the wall, the top of which was a full head shorter than Severus. He gave Xeno the "after you" sign with a smile, and Xeno laughed as he stepped through. A moment of silence greeted his arrival, then Severus decided to step through the doorway when they picked right back up, now with Xeno's voice carrying through it all.

It was possibly one of the oddest sights Severus had ever seen. Xeno, though he was by no means tall, was fully hunched over and shaking hands with almost every house elf that approached him. Names as short as their stature and as strange as their appearance left his lips, and Severus found himself impressed by the fact that Xeno remembered almost every one of them, except what he guessed to be newcomers by their quiet demeanor. A few of them wrapped thin hands around the tips of Severus's fingers and guided him over to a table near a roaring fire place. After greeting all of the house elves, Xeno sat down on the opposite side of Severus, a wide smile in place, "They're going to go and get Morty. He's the oldest house-elf in the castle, and the one we need to talk to."

Severus nodded, then reached out and tapped a nearby creature on the shoulder, "Would it be alright if I got something to drink?"

The elf squeaked an affirmative and rushed off before Severus could say anything. Xeno laughed at the look on his face, "Trust me, they'll bring you what you want."

Severus rolled his eyes, "Uh huh, because house elves can read minds."

Xeno only smiled knowingly, then burst again into laughter at the look on Severus's face as a monstrous tray filled with almost every drink he could think of was set down in front of him.

"Blimey." Severus whispered, "Where did they get all of this from?"

Xeno picked up a martini glass filled with a smoking glass of red liquid. He gave it a sip, and sighed, "I don't know, never asked."

Severus spotted a green drink letting off a thick grey steam. He took a sip, his face blanching slightly from the intense mint flavor that had just a hint of alcohol, "You, alcoholic, what's this?"

Xeno rolled his eyes, "That, my good sir, is Mint Horntail. It's supposed to be a kind of schnapp, but it's incredibly strong, so take it easy."

Severus took another sip, beginning to enjoy the intensity of the mint now that his mouth was beginning to go numb.

The two of them would have drank themselves under the table, if not for the arrival of Head Elf Morty. After a few moments spent scrambling into a booster seat, he regarded the boys with bright and mischievous eyes, "I hear you've been plotting again Xeno. Care to explain yourself?"

Xeno smiled and looked at Severus, "Do you mind if I tell it?"

Severus waved his friend on, his mouth was almost too numb to handle the drink, let alone words. Xeno explained the plan to the wizened creature, and much to Severus's delight, Morty seemed all in. The old elf clapped in excitement as Xeno finished up, "I would be delighted in helping you get at Malfoy! That little bastard's been terrorizing the elves under my care for far too long. Just let us know when, and we can make it happen."

Xeno extended a finger to Morty and shook his hand. The hard part was figured out, now it was a matter of timing. Through the fog in his head, Severus realized that he'd have to go talk to Lily and see how she was coming along. He did not relish the thought.

_Author's Note: I realize that at this point the boys are only 15 (16? I don't know haha), and that they may be a little young to be drinking alcohol. I don't know what the wizarding laws were at the time, but I'm including it because it has a major impact on the next part of my story, and I've always relished the thought of a drunken Severus. Thank you, have a nice day! _

_P.S. Reviews are always welcome!_


End file.
